Online pirates are really ticking me off. Hey…it’s STEALING. Really. It is. Don’t download someone’s book without buying it. If Karma kicks in, what SHOULD happen to online pirates:
1) The second he/she downloads a pirated copy of a book, a huge, one-eyed pirate should cover the screen, flip the jerk the bird…and fry the hard drive.
2) In addition, all electrical appliances should explode in the pirate’s house.
3) Huge, bulbous, gigantic hemorrhoids should attack the pirate…making it so he can never sit and read again. Huge.
4) The most embarrassing website the pirate has ever visited should send instant emails to his mother, grandmother, and first grade teacher with pictures and full details of the schmuck’s online surfing.
5) The pirate’s worse picture in existence, anywhere in cyberspace, should be blown up and sent to every contact he has ever made.
6) His picture, phone number, and email address should be advertised in every ‘for sex’ magazine and website in the world.
7) A picture of the pirate with a threatening message toward the President should be sent to every Navy Seal and Green Beret team on active duty. And those retired.
8) A computer generated virus should explode the individual keys on his computer and dye his fingers neon green for life.
9) His computer should create a toxic gas that creates scales to cover his entire body. Heck. Let’s make them boils instead.
10) Remember those hemorrhoids from #3 above? They should burst.